Why do we lie to hide our corssdressing? There’s a number of reasons…
First off many of us are in denial ourselves. We don’t want accept that this is part of ourselves and so we lie to ourselves about it. Unfortunately, I think a number of us get married in part hoping that this will “cure” us. So why disclose something that will go away. Of course things rarely work out that way…
We lie to our loved ones because we are terrified of what will happen when they find out. We may know in our hearts that inevitably they will, but we’d like to postpone that moment as long as possible. If we’ve been online, we know not all significant others are accepting. If we haven’t, our fears are probably even worse (since we haven’t learned there are accepting significant others).
We lie because even if we accept it ourselves, we realize it’s something society stigmatizes. So we may be engaged in a misguided attempt to “protect” our SOs, since often coming out to them puts them in a closet.
Another big factor is that while we may feel we have a feminine side, we were still raised as men and to stereotype broadly, men have a very different worldview than women do, it’s very hierachial. Women are raised to view sharing secrets as building intimacy. Men are raised to view sharing secrets as exposing weaknesses that will cause you to lose status in a dog-eat-dog world. Since these worldviews are so deeply ingrained, it’s often difficult for us to see them—much like fish don’t see the sea they swim in. So I think it’s often difficult for women to appreciate how hard it can be for men to open up, just as it’s often difficult for men to appreciate why opening up is so important to women.
None of this excuses lying of course, but hopefully it may explain it. Being in the closet sucks.
