I think the “no sex please, we’re transgendered” stance that both the “respectable” transsexual and crossdresser communities have adopted have ended up doing a bit of a disservice. I don’t think significant others completely buy it—particularly when they run across what someone in one my online groups called the “dark side” sites.

Better to acknowledge that for most of us crossdressing in teenage years did contain a sexual component for a variety of reasons. For most of us here, that part has become less important than other motivations, but I for one would be lying if I said they were gone completely. If I want to feel sexy, it’s nice to look sexy and I know women who put on Victoria’s Secrets for the same reason. Unfortunately, men’s lingerie usually isn’t as sexy and often seems a bit goofy (elephant g-string anyone?).

I agree some of the “dark side” sites can be quite embarassing—but in part because we recognize some of the same impulses in ourselves. I think many of us crossdress in part because a desire to look good and feel sexy in a way that we feel we can’t en homme. But just as with women, that can easily slide over into exhibitionism and looking/acting a like a slut. Many of us feel guilt and shame over our dressing and that can slide over into wanting to be punished and degraded, etc.

Part of the appeal on the Internet is to act out one’s wildest fantasies anonymously, and I think of lot of what shows up on the “dark side” sides has far less to do with crossdressers’ views of women than
the things they’ve been repressing inside themselves. And of course, there’s those who are using the Internet to sleep around, which is wholy incompatible with being in a commited relationship.