A few days ago I heard linguist Deborah Tannen talking about her new book, which looks a mother-daughter relations, and there were two observations she made that I think were interesting in terms of perhaps helping women understand common behavior by men and by crossdressers.

The first touched on the advice-giving the mothers do – which often drives daughters crazy but is (usually) meant out of love. I didn’t hear enough of the interview to hear Tannen’s explanation on why mothers feel compelled to offer advice, but I suspect it’s not dissimilar to men—they feel a need to show their concern by problem-solving.

The second observation was that many of the women studied (as adults) ended up not disclosing many of their inner-most secrets with their mothers because they didn’t want to upset their mothers—of course, not wanting to trigger the resulting advice-giving probably was another factor. But I hope woman can understand that there’s often a similar mentality at work when crossdressers don’t tell their wives and girlfriends about their dressing. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s far better to disclose it, preferably early in the relationship. And self-interest, and yes fear, can also be major factors. But often I’ve seen a genuine concern by crossdressers who’ve spent their lives struggling with it and want to “protect” their wives from similar struggles. I’m not saying it’s the right decision, I merely saying that it’s a decision that can be based on more than just selfish reasons.