So here I am in my hotel room packing up to head over to my Mom’s house—and literally compartmentizing my life.

I took out the studs I normally wear in my ears. I removed the polish I normally wear on my toes.

I got a add-on to iPhoto that lets you have separate photo libraries—so I’m moving all my femme photos into one that’s separate from all the other photos she might want to see.

I met a friend en femme in LA, so I’m now putting my skirt and top into compartments of the suitcase where they won’t be noticeable. The breast forms, shoes and purse will have to go a shopping bag that I’ll let in the trunk and hope she won’t notice them during our trip to San Diego.

I’ve got to stop by the department store to pick up some long pajama bottoms, since we’ll be sharing a hotel room. The shaved arms may not be noticed, but I’m sure shaved legs would. Which why I also “forgot” to bring shorts. Hopefully it won’t be too hot…

The ironic thing is that if I told her, I’m sure she’d probably be accepting. But frankly, I don’t want her to worry—and I’m also sure she would. And since we live in different cities, I only see her in person a couple times a year, so compartmentalizing is possible. Who know maybe I’ll change my mind, maybe she’ll notice something and ask…

It’s obviously minor compared to the some of things others are dealing with, but there are times when riding the kiddie rollercoaster* ain’t fun—especially realizing that I’m going to be riding it for the rest of my life. Compartmentalizing who you are just sucks. :( And just… sometimes… it would be nice to be able to pass through the fire and move on. But then again, I suppose the grass is always greener….

Anyway, don’t worry, I’m heading to the beach so I’ll feel better in a bit. It’s just one of those passing moods.

*My friend, Michelle, once eloquently talked about how, compared to transitioning, the problems of being a crossdresser is the difference between jumping off a cliff and riding the kiddie roller coaster. But, as she said, who really wants to ride the kiddie coaster for the rest of their lives?