I recently talked with a crossdresser who’s extremely convincing—from her photos you’d think she was born female and she’s won two national female impersonation titles—and even she gets read sometimes. But she said part of her enjoys the attention (including when she gets read), and I’d have to agree. I think for many of us the motivations to dress include a bit of (healthy) exhibitionism. Not the flasher-in-raincoat kind of exhibitionism, but rather the desire to look good and show off the way women are allowed to in a way that is not nearly acceptable for men. (Of course feeling like you have to be on display isn’t fun, but we’re talking about grass-is-greener desires here.)
Interestingly, a female friend commented that I’ve been trying too hard to blend in, and I well, blended in. She thought there was a bit I could do to look glamourous—but that looking that way would draw attention and was I ready for that. It was a good question. As a crossdresser attention is a two-edged sword. Am I getting attention because I’m
beautiful or because I’m being read—or both.
On one of my mailing lists someone asked whether going out en femme and not trying to pass is a sign of total acceptance of transgender expression, or just poor skills in transformation, or possibly a mild antisocial behavior.
It can be any or all or the above. There was a famous rich “character” named Neil Cargile who started cross-dressing (and was profiled in the New Yorker). He looked slapped together and there was absolutely no chance he’d be mistaken for anything but a guy in dress. OTOH, I wonder if he wasn’t a crossdresser, but rather just doing it for the
attention (he’d been an attention getter most of his life). OTOH, deliberately being sloppy could be a way of disguising that he really was experiencing transgendered feelings. We’ll probably never know.
On another list, someone else had some good definitions: “Passing” is the ability to present oneself as the gender they are portraying. “Minimal passing” is being recognized as the gender one is portraying in a public environment. “Ultimate passing” is being recognized as the gender one is portraying in a conversational environment. “Fantasy passing” is being accepted as the gender one is portraying among teenagers at all times.
What she calls “minimal passing” I think of as “blending in,” which is something I try for. I’d prefer to be seen as just another woman. (If society were a bit more accepting and I were a bit braver, I’d also like to do the Eddie Izzard-gender bending look some of the time, but that’s another story.) But realistically I’m going to be read some of the
time, which is why my other goal is being “presentable.” If you’re read and you act like you deserve respect, my experience is that you’ll usually get it.
