OK, not quite dead, but for about 6-7 weeks I’ve had an off-again, on-again sinus infection. (With my allergies, sometimes tough to know whether I’ve got a cold or my allergies are just really bad, which was made more complicated by lots of travel in the past week.) Each time I thought I was over it, but noooo….. So after it came back the third time, I finally got myself into the drop-in clinic last night and picked up some antibiotics, which ought to finally put it down for good. Or so I hope….
I was at Carla’s the other day to get my brows waxed, when a crossdresser from Texas called wanting to know if Carla would sell him a lingerie bag — you know the kind you use to keep your delicates from getting trashed in the washing machine. Carla sensibly told him to just go to the drugstore and buy one. After all, no one was going to know that his wife/girlfriend hadn’t asked him to buy one.
But that’s how paranoid many closeted trans people are. While in reality, people are remarkably oblivious, we’re paranoid that we’re going to do something and the entire store is going to point and laugh. I describe it to my gay and lesbian friends, that it’s like being homosexual before Stonewall. Not exactly alike, since trans folks don’t risk being cart off to jail, etc. just for being out in public. But the sense of fear is all too familiar.
It’s liberating to get past it. But trans activists, who are out and usually have been out for awhile, would do well to remember just how crippling that fear can be. Even now, having worked through it, it’s still one reason I’m “public but not fully out.” If I came out fully, probably nothing major would happen. In fact, having a respectable somewhat-known-in-his-field person come out probably would help in its little way towards gaining acceptance. But the thing is, I think it wouldn’t harm my career, but it’s that not knowing for sure… that makes what makes it hard to turn the knob on the closet door.
Forgot blebt, I’ve been woefully behind on even posting. Anyway, I wanted to get caught up on my New Year’s weekend in New York.
Every year I go visit my brother in New England and when I realized that the monthly get-together of some of the My Husband Betty regulars happened to fall on January 2 — which was great way to meet folks face-to-face finally. I also ended up meeting a lot of other folks for lunch, dinner, drinks, etc. — so many that I really didn’t do any touristy stuff. But fortunately, I’ve been there enough that I didn’t mind.
Got into New York City, Saturday evening and had the night to myself. Walked through Times Square — it was even more Disney-ified than I remember from my last trips. A Red Lobster on Times Square (even with Aanndre and Tim Gunn) — that’s just wrong. Where are the peep shows? The crackheads? (I did feel better when I saw puddles of vomit on the sidewalk in the Village. Now that’s the New York I remember….) Walked past the Rockfeller Center and the hordes of crowds watching the skaters — the rink is far more fun to look at than to skate in, I decided. Then I headed up to Barney’s to look at their window displays, which are supposed to be outrageous. But somehow I missed them. My next disappointment of the night came in trying to find a drag show listed in one of the guidebooks. (It would’ve been fun to compare SF/NY queens.) But either I missed the bar, or it had gone out of business. Finally, I didn’t move fast enough to get through one of those “cage” turnstiles and got locked out — and could use my pass again. (Note to tourists: I’m informed by the locals, that if you wait 10-15 minutes, you’ll be able to use the pass again. Or talk to the folks in the ticket booths, who will help out as long as it’s one of the 3-day or 7-day passes).
New Year’s Eve, I met Donna and her son for lunch. Apparently, I severely disappointed Donna’s son by appearing en homme again (just as I had when they visited San Francisco). Next time, I promise…. Had dinner with Michelle York, who was lovely. Spent a quiet New Year’s Eve as far as possible from Times Square. New Year’s Day, I went out en femme shopping most of the day. Unfortunately, it was raining all day and I discovered the new women’s raincoat I got doesn’t breathe that well, which wasn’t a good thing given the abnormally warm temperatures. Missed Barney’s again. (I finally found it Wedneday, by which time they’d taken down the Christmas displays.) Despite hitting numerous stores I didn’t end up buying anything. Partly I’ve gotten picky about what I can put into my small closet. But I just didn’t see anything interesting. Had dinner with Lex, who was a perfect gentleman.
Tuesday, I got to together with Erica, who can give you her account of things. ‘Course she didn’t mention that I was left waiting around on the corner, just as a middle school let out. Either I blend more than I realize, or even middle school New Yorkers have adopted the jade “seen it all” look because I didn’t here one peep out of the hordes of kids passing by. Had a lovely time walking around the Village and then stopping for drinks. Not having to worry about driving does make a big difference — and I think I overdid it a bit every day I was in NYC. So I was a bit ah…happy…by the time of the MHB get-together at The Center. Definitely great to meet people face-to-face after talking to them for months on the Betty boards.
Also managed to squeeze in a visit with Helen and Betty, both of whom I can’t say enough good things about. BTW, if you haven’t done so already, sign up to get a signed copy of Helen’s soon-to-be-released book “She’s Not the Man I Married.” Also had lunch with the lovely Caprice, although it was a little awkward since we were both en homme and not quite sure what to call each other.
By the time I was headed home, I needed a bit of time-off from my time-off, but it was great fun.