A friend of mine, who’s the wife of a crossdresser, recently commented that she thought it’s a fantasy of many trans people to change gender, knowing they never would. From what I’ve seen in a variety of online forums I think there’s an element of truth to that.

I think the flip-side of the “joke” that the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual is a couple of years is the notion that transsexuals are just who can’t handle ambiguity. I don’t mean that literally, but riding the kiddie roller-coaster1 for eternity can be exhausting and so I think a number of crossdressers dream about being “normal.” And since they know their trans-ness isn’t going away, transitioning and going stealth is the only way they can dream of doing so.

Combine that the with the fact that the vast majority of crossdressers don’t get a chance to be en femme as much as they want to—so unlike me, they’ve never gotten the chance to find out what their satiation point is (i.e. when they’ve been en femme enough that the urge gets satisfied for some period of time). So they’re never quite sure if they’re not transsexual.

1 “Riding the kiddie coaster” was a phrase coined by a good friend of mine, back when she thought she was a crossdresser. The ups-and-downs of being a crossdresser may not be as dramatic compared to the potential sturm und drang of transitioning, but it’s one we have to ride endlessly for the rest of our lives. Unlike transsexuals who take a ride on the full-size roller-coaster, but who have the possibility of getting off at the end of the ride.