A Dahl's House

The trans blogosphere has been buzzing the last few days over the Human Rights Campaign’s hiring on ordained Baptist minister Allyson Robinson as their Associate Director of Diversity.

I personally know Allyson from the My Husband Betty forum and I’d agree with Mercedes Allen’s characterization of it being a case of “optimistic, hopeful transfolk trying to step into a situation to make a positive difference.” Is she being naive? Quite possibly, but she won’t find out unless she tries — although I and others have cautioned her to be wary of being used as the token trans woman. To be honest, it’s not a job I’d wish on my worst enemy and Allyson has already taken heat from some trans activists for being a supposed quisling.

That said, while I’ve got no love for HRC, painting every move in terms of evil intent is counter-productive. It’s important to give adversaries carrots as well as sticks. Otherwise if they think you’ll never be satisfied, what incentive is there to change their behavior? Likewise, it can alienate potential allies, as Bil has noted. And praising things like this hire doesn’t mean that we can’t also note our anger at their current position on ENDA, which would exclude protections for gender identity and expression (for not only trans people, but anyone (gay or hetero) who’s not straight-acting enough).

It may be that Allyson’s hiring is a simply defensive move on HRC’s part. Even true, that’s not entirely a bad thing, in that it shows HRC is feeling the heat. Regardless, I think we ought to be applauding the appointment — and simultaneously challenging HRC to demonstrate that Allyson won’t be just a figurehead.

I think it’s important to provide kudos/carrots as well as sticks, even to someone as intensively disliked as HRC is by much of the trans communities due to their broken promise on ENDA. If nothing else, it’s just good strategy — if your adversary thinks you’ll never be satisfied no matter what, then what incentive do they have for doing what you’d like them do?

Likewise, I agree with Donna Rose that the knee-jerk vitriol toward HRC on the part of some trans activist is becoming counter-productive. In a variety of activist arenas, I’ve seen folks who are “infatuated with anger” and who seem to assume that rage equals commitment to the cause. Now don’t get me wrong, there is often plenty to be angry about — but one has to channel that anger effectively. Part of that is knowing when to rage and when to be diplomatic. To be able to disagree violently, but but yet civilly. Part of it is remembering that adversaries are people too. As a friend of mine said: “Be fierce, but be loving too.” Constant vilification may be emotionally satisfying, but it also tends to alienate potential allies — and the small size of the trans communities inherently means we’ll need allies. There are LGB folks who do think HRC’s actions on ENDA were shameful, and others who, when the story is told, are willing to support us. But unrelenting, undiscriminating rage is off-putting to say the least and just plays into HRC’s hands by allowing them to write us off as a bunch bitter cranks.

I was all set to write a happy little post about Christian Siriano retiring his catch phase, “hot tranny mess.” Apparently someone clued him in that it might be offensive after he compared drag queens and trans people to “white trash.” Maybe the light went on after hot pissed-off trans actress Candis Cayne ripped him a new one after he used the phrase on stage at the Logo NewNextNow Awards that she was hosting. Maybe he even read my open letter about why it’s so not fierce when “tranny” is used by someone who isn’t trans.

I was willing to overlook that it was one of those not-quite-an-apology “I wish that my words were not taken in that way” apologies that’s all too common with public figures these days. And yes, he even mentioned that some of his best friends are trans. (BTW Christian, if you’re reading this, just a heads-up, we trans people don’t exist solely to provide you with fashion inspiration.) As I said before, I think it just never occurred to him that as a self-described “very flamboyant gay man” that he could say something that’s considered derogatory speech, and I’m willing to overlook all that because I’m just glad that he publicly said he’d stop and maybe, just maybe, that would get other people to think twice about using it as a catch phrase.

What’s got me not-so-happy are the comments on various gay blogs about how trans people are overreacting and picking on poor little Princess Puffysleeves. How come you’re so humorless? Gawd you’re so P.C. Can’t you see it’s a just a joke? What’s the big deal anyway? We call each other faggots all the time, it’s no big deal. Get it over! Not to mention, I’m sick of being hounded for not being properly appreciative of T people.

Funny how those arguments sound oh so familiar. I’ve heard the exact same things when I’ve asked clueless straight kids not to use “that’s so gay” as a put-down. Or when women ask not to be called “bitches” and “hos.” Or when the Sambo’s restaurant chain was pressured to change its name.

To be honest, I had more respect for the out-and-out haters – did you know I’m a “breeder with a mental disorder”? – because at least with them there was no pretense. They’d probably get along swimmingly with the high-profile conservative bloggers (who I won’t dignify with links) who had these recent headlines: “Shame on Dennis Hastert for joining tranny lobbist firm” and “Boycott NBC and its tranny sympathizers.” (Companies that value LGBT diversity, the horror!)

And of course there was this: don’t you have bigger things to worry about?

Well, yeah, actually I do. Trans people face hate crimes at a rate up to 16 times higher than gays and lesbians, yet we have to fight to be included in anti-hate crime laws. There’s some segments of the trans communities where only one in four trans people have a full-time job and more than half live in poverty, yet we’re asked to step aside so straight-acting gays and lesbians can get employment non-discrimination protections. Even when “transgender” protections are offered, crossdressers like myself are often excluded from them.

The thing is, those are huge issues that are going to take time and effort to overcome. Whereas not referring to someone by a term they find offensive is a small thing. A simple thing. The human thing to do.

But evidentially even that is too much effort for some people.

By now you’ve undoubtedly heard that for the first time, a survey shows that California voters favor marriage equality by a 51-42 percentage margin. The more significant thing is the demographic change that’s driving. Back in 1977, when the Field poll first posed the question, only 28 percent of Californians agreed. What’s changed in three decades? Several generations that have gone up seeing gays and lesbians in the media, and knowing them personally. Both youth and knowing someone who’s homosexual are both the strongest predictors of acceptance — and acceptance directly corolates with age: 68 percent of those 18 to 29 supported marriage equality, compared to only 36 percent of those 65 and older.

That said, if the initiative to change the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage gets on November’s ballot it’s going to be a tough, nasty fight. (A different poll last week, found that 54 percent of registered support the initiative.) Already the fundies have taken out full-page ads in the local papers urging support for “traditional marriage.”

But the phrase itself — the fact that they need to distinguish it from plain old “marriage” — shows how they’re fighting what ultimately will be a losing battle.

My take-away from it all: visibility matters. Kids today see gays and lesbians in the media and in person. I’m not quite as optimistic as Jenny Boylan that you can’t hate someone who’s story you know, but the fundies are right to be freaking out over the increased public visibility of gays and lesbians. It has normalized what was once the unspeakable.

I realize that not every trans person — whether you’re transsexual, crossdresser, whatever — wants to be out or feels that they can be.  But think at least give it some thought. Even just being out in public helps people know we exist.

Glad someone called him on it to his face. As I’ve said before, it’s time to retire “hot tranny mess.”

Siriano had another fun run-in with the evening’s host, Dirty Sexy Money’s transgendered star Candis Cayne.

Siriano was onstage and uttered his catchphrase “hot tranny mess.” Cayne came from backstage, my source says, and hissed, “I hope you aren’t talking about me.”

Siriano insisted he wasn’t, cooing, “You’re a hot tranny success!”

Contrast this with Dominique from “America’s Top Model.”

TVGuide.com: C’mon, you’re not at least a little sore about all the transvestite remarks you kept getting from the judges?

Dominique: Honestly, I took being called a transvestite as a compliment. I mean, transvestites are some of the most beautiful women in the world. They carry themselves sometimes better than most women. There’s so much grace, poise, and the makeup and hair are perfect.

Dominique, you are so hot tranny fabuliciousness.