A Dahl’s House

Thinking about going to the cosmetics counter for a free makeover but not sure how much product to buy (since the sales people are on commission)? I asked a couple women for advice. Bottom-line if you just test a single sample you’re not expected to buy anything, but if they spent a significant amount of time
working on you, it’s good form to buy a product or two—as long as you’re happy with the products they used. (Elsewhere I heard a good rule of thumb is to spent about $1 for every minute they work on you.)

Also, a number of companies require a minimum purchase for a full makeover, so it’s a good idea to ask ahead of time.

First off let me says almost no one is 100% passable, 100% of the time. Even some
post-op transsexuals get read sometimes.

Body type—While most of us are at the edges of “normal” female height/weight distributions, there are women of equal size. Not many, but they’re out there. I’m 5’10” with broad shoulders, yet I’ve seen women larger than me, both in height and build. So it
takes more work, but body type alone won’t make you unpassable. I go out regularly and don’t get read that much.

The truth is most people are pretty oblivious most of the time, so it’s easier to pass than one might think. Of course it makes a difference when, where and how far away. I’m obviously more passable at 30 feet than 3 feet.

Hair, make-up, clothes, shoes—Gotta distinguish between dressing for pleasure and dressing for going out. Many crossdressers look a bit like teenage girls with “Dynasty” hair. Too much make-up, clothes that are too short and too tight, heel that are too high, big and poofy hair. Look around, women just don’t look like that. On one my mailing lists, we were able to help a girl in only a few days go from literally having people point and laugh at her to blending in with only the occasional read, just by toning down these things.

Even if you’re already doing these things “realistically,” it’s important to keep context in mind. women rarely go to the mall dressed the way they’d go to a nice restaurant and vice versa. Also remember age appropriateness. Women of a certain age who dress like Brittany
Spears look ridiculous and so will you. It doesn’t mean you have to look matronly—after all French women look sexy and stylish no matter what age they are—but you do need to be aware of how women dress at different ages. If you watch “What Not to Wear” that an issue that frequently comes up, so you can get some advice that way.

Movement—Clumping around like a guy will give you away. So will slinking like a runway model. women move differently and there’s a variety of websites that can give you tips. But don’t overdo it. For example, just brushing your thighs together as you walk is enough to give some hip sway without looking like your doing a samba.

Voice—If you interact with people and sound like James Earl Jones, it’s going to give you away. Let’s be honest, developing a credible feminine voice is hard work, even for transsexuals for whom it’s really important. Again there’s sites with info how to do this. Technically, the biggest thing you need to do is get rid of the male ressonance in
your voice and use the tonal variations that women use instead of speaking in a male monotone. You probably also need to raise the pitch of your voice a bit, but not as much as you think. The other half is using words in the way that women use, which is different than how men talk. OTOH, while my voice definitely isn’t credible for extended conversation, it does sound somewhat feminine for brief interactions.

But it’s attitude that counts more than anything else. Often newbies are extremely nervous and people pick up on that and give you a close look. Once you’ve realized getting read isn’t the end of the world, people usually relax and in turn get read less. And at worse if you’re read and you act like you deserve respect, my experience is you’ll usually get it.

A couple things have helped me in dieting:

– Keeping a “food/exercise diary” recording everything you’ve eaten, the exercise you’ve done that day, as well as your weight, waist measurements and body fat percentage (I’ve got one of those scales that does the latter). The point is not to obsess over what you’re
eating, but it’s great way to make you conscious of what you’re eating and how much you’re exercising. It helps prevent absent-minded snacking and blowing off exercise. As far as recording your weight, etc. it may not be for everyone, but it works well for me. I don’t
obsess over minor fluxuations in weight/body fat, since those can be affected by how hydrated you are, but if I’m consistently up or down for a couple days in a row I know there’s a change going on. (I don’t count calories, but just try to eat better, eat less, so sometimes I’ll go up a bit or just plateau, which tells me I need to change my behavior if I want to keep going down.) – Employing the principle of satiation, i.e. often times craving can actually be satisfed in a few bites. Unfortunately, we typically eat far more than that. But if you’ve got the will-power it’s good way to feel like you’re still eating normally. For example, I’ll have a
tablespoon of Haagen Daaz chocolate ice cream, savor it and then put it back in the freezer. Yeah, it’s caloric but in such small quanties you can easily compensate. I’ve also used this to head off snacking. I’ve found Pepperidge Farm’s butterthin crackers to be really useful because they’re quite rich and eating a single one is enough to trick
my body into thinking it’s been feed more than it has. But a single cracker isn’t a lot of calories. A small slice of strongly-flavored cheese, like parmasen regiano, works well too. – Having a “free day.” This can work in two ways. First if I’ve got a craving for something really caloric, say pizza, I tell myself I can have it if I wait until Saturday. Most of the time
when Saturday rolls around, the craving has passed. Second, there was a site I ran across by a personal trainer who’s done a bit of work with transsexuals who were doing some very hard-core dieting. She found that easing up a bit on the weekends not only made the dieting much easier psychologically, but also seemed to prevent the body from going into “starvation mode” and slowing down the metabolism.

There’s plenty of scents that are unisex. Try searching at the Basenotes Fragrance Directory (under “sex” choose “shared.) 4perfumeinfo.com also has good descriptions and by comparing the men’s and women’s lists, you’ll see which ones are unisex.

FYI, there are different perfumes for different situations—much like day-time vs. evening make-up—as well as different levels of concentrations. Perfume is stronger than men’s cologne, while eau d’toilet is about the same strength. Scentagious has a good beginner’s guide.

Since perfume only lasts about a year (two at most) before starting to degrade, it’s a good idea to get samplers or minis, especially if you’re trying out scents. (The only way to really get a good idea of whether a scent works for you is to wear it.) Samplers are much pricier per ounce, but since you don’t end up
with unused stuff, the cost evens out. You can get samplers at Beautiful Perfumes for a few bucks each.

Foamy face washes generally will remove make-up, although some long-lasting mascaras and lip-sticks might be problematic. I’m partial to Orgins’ Checks and Balances. You do need to be careful about getting it in your eyes, which is a where a gentle formula eye make-up remover can be useful.

The good news is that you really should be using a face wash before you go to bed anyway—that’s one thing supermodels are religious about doing—so you can buy it even if you otherwise need to be discrete.

The lard-like theaterical make-up remover often sold by TG stores isn’t really good for your skin, but will remove just about anything. The only other good point is that is that it can be used without water, so I now keep mine around to put in my emergency “boy bag”
(which has a change of clothes, etc. in case the car breaks down.)

Ran across a link to an interesting primer on make-up by adult film actress Asia Carrera (no I wasn’t surfing for porn, really….) There’s from some naked boobs if you scroll down on the first screen, but it’s otherwise G-rated.

Aside from outlining some basics, what’s useful is that Carrera drastically exaggerates the make-up in order to make it easy to see what’s happening.

It also provides a dramatic example of what make-up can do. Without make-up, Carrera is cute, but not the head-turning sex goddess she is with full war paint. And if it make you feel any better, it takes her two hours to achieve that look.

You can get a Dermablend sampler kit from Fragrence Wholesale (and undoubtedly other retailers). It’s pretty heavy stuff and the shades are limited. I’ve heard some folks
have had success blending it with a regular foundation to both thin it out and to better
color match their skin. (Fortunately, I’m blonde, so I can get away with some yellow stick
and MAC or Prespectives foundation.)

FYI, the Fragrence Wholesale above requires a $25 minimum order, but they stock two other items that are useful that make meeting the minimum pretty painless:

– The undercover crossdressers’ best friend OPI Matte Nail Envy. It’s a nail strengther that’s not shiny unlike the typical clear polishes—in fact, OPI specifically mentions using it for men. There’s a little shine, like you’ve gotten your nails buffed, but nothing that’s a dead giveaway that you’re wearing polish. It will definitely toughen up your nails and prevent breakage. – Minatures of various perfumes. Yes, the cost per ounce is higher than larger bottles, but
OTOH, perfume degrades after a year or two, so you’re not paying for stuff you’ll probably never get a chance to use.

Hair-styles.org shows lots of examples of hair styles. There’s also Stellure which lets you try a styles on a 3D virtual model. You can view limited number of styles for free, but for $35 you can send them your own photos, which they’ll convert to a 3D model that you can to try out styles on.

One of the big challenges for crossdressers are finding jewelry. Unless you pierced your ears, you’re stuck with clip-on earrings, and it can be challenging finding rings in larger sizes.

• Crazy 4 Clip-ons carries some very nice earrings,


• Cliptomania has a large selection, but I’m not impressed with many of their offering.


• Simply Whispers also carries some nicer-looking clip-on earrings.


• You can also find clip-ons at your local department store.

As far as other jewelry, I realized that plus-sized women must be getting their’s somewhere, so some searching turned up a couple sites:

• Classic Plus Size Jewelry—Carries ring, bracelets and necklaces in larger sizes. Silver and gold, with accompanying price tags, but the silver rings are affordable.


• Winged Elephant—BBW-sized bracelets, necklaces and earings (probably pierced) in stones and glass. Haven’t ordered from them myself.


• Big on Batik—Silver jewelry and rings, including oversized bracelets. Haven’t ordered from them myself.


• Arizona Indian Jewelry—Affordable gemstone-based jewelry, including oversized bracelets. Haven’t ordered from them myself.

Usually it’s a look that’s held a bit too long as people try to figure it out, to an outright
stare—which generally means they have figured it out. I suppose if you go out looking
like crazy Aunt Mabel, people might point and laugh too. This is where it helps to
dress the same way a women would, unless you’re interested in attracting attention. (Some girls do… or if you’re at the Folsom Street Fair (not work safe) or Bay to Breakers, then being in obvious drag ain’t a big deal.)

Women are more likely read you, since 1) they’re constantly checking out other women
(competitve dressing and all that), and 2) men don’t have the experience with hair and
make-up etc. to notice when it’s not quite right, whereas women do.

We’re quite self-conscious because we know what’s we’re up to, but most of the time people are pretty oblivous. I’m 5’10” without heels and broad shouldered, so I’m not exactly a “typical” girl. But I was out last weekend for about two hours and only got overtly read 3-4 times (although undoubtedly more times behind my back). Granted I was wearing sunglasses, which helped, and I’ve worked hard on feminine movement. But mostly people around Fisherman’s Wharf were just busy being tourists and weren’t paying attention. I figure at worse I’m doing my part for the tourism industry by providing local color thatfolks can talk about when they get back to Kansas.While we’re on the topic, it  reminds me of the first time I went out. I was headed out to a
restaurant and of course there was a guy with a first-grader right outside the door. Needless to say, the little boy was fascinated by me—although thankfully the brat kept his mouth shut. But I was so nervous I tripped on the stairs right in front of them. So much for my grand entrance….