A Dahl’s House

Nice coverage from a trade paper about yachting industry conference, where a well-known figure in the field came out as a trans woman (it’s not clear, but seemingly it was in the context of her being on a panel that was discussing other things).

Even nicer was the supportive nature of the person who introduced her. And nicest of all was that the announcement was buried in the tail end of the story — in other words the reporter thought it was only incidentally interesting.

“As the World Turns” tried to be daring by adding a gay couple, but got cold feet about actually showing them kissed. Which has upset fans.

It all started last Christmas, when Luke and Noah, the young gay couple on “As The World Turns,” were about to kiss. Though fans had seen them kiss before, this time the camera panned up to the mistletoe.

Over the next few months, while heterosexual couples were kissing, Nuke (as fans call the couple) was restricted to holding hands, playing with one another’s neck scarves and sharing meaningful looks.

Ensuing complaints of discrimination to CBS and the show’s producer and sponsor, Procter & Gamble, had no effect. And the last straw apparently arrived on Valentine’s Day, when every other couple but Nuke shared a kiss. They hugged instead.

Online fans began a nationwide media blitz on Feb. 20 to bring attention to the show, which has been twice nominated for an award from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

More in-depth coverage, and even the show’s straight supercouple is calling foul:

Austin Peck (Brad) and Terri Colombino (Katie) — whose steamy, straight sex scenes are by far the most racy on the show — don’t mince words when asked about the Nuke cool-down. “ATWT got scared off because there were two men,” Peck tells Out. Colombino says there’s one simple reason her character’s sex life won’t suffer the same fate: “I have a vagina.”

Coverage of the oral arguments, with this quote of the day (from one of the attorneys):

Justices also asked whether the concept of equality evolves, and, if so, why this is the time to allow same sex marriage. The concept of equality does evolve, Stewart said, “but just because society doesn’t see something as unequal until a given time, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t always unequal or unjust. It just means we were blind to it.”

Happened last month, but folks outside Charleston, SC just found out about it.

“[Adolphus] Simmons, 18, who dressed as a woman and was doing freelance work as a hairstylist, was shot multiple times about 8 p.m. Monday when he took out his trash, witnesses said.” Three teens have been charged. Police have said there is no indication that it was a hate crime — but also have not given any indication of what the motive was.

Profile of the victim. On the positive side, Simmons’ friends and neighbors accepted him (his mother used male pronouns) and “looked past the clothes and hair he wore and saw only a loving human being.”

Between Lawrence King in California and Simmie “Chris/Beyonce” Williams in Florida, Ashley Sweeney in Detroit and Talib “Nesha” Stewart in New York all being killed, and a 10-year-old kid with gender issues committing suicide, it’s been a tough month for trans/gender varient folks.

Too much death, too much death…

At least two of the cases involved hate crimes — both King and Williams faced anti-gay slurs from the alleged killers — and Stewart’s killer invoked the reprehensible “gay panic” defense (echoed by the ever-so-sensitive Daily News’ headline: “Fooled john stabbed Bronx tranny”) but yet the foes of trans-inclusive rights protections within the gay and lesbians communities argue that gender variance has no connection — none, nada, no way — to sexual orientation and therefore can be dropped in order to gain protections for sexual orientation. Funny how those who hate us don’t bother to draw those distinctions. Yes, I’m bitter…

OMG… what a difference a week makes. Before I picked up the CPAP machine for my sleep apnea a week ago, the doc said using it could be life-changing and she wasn’t kidding. (I’m fortunate that I was able to adjust to wearing the mask easily, so I’ve been able to wear it all night.) For the first time in year, I’m not feeling zombied all day. In the past I had chalked it up to severe allergies, getting older, having recurrent colds, etc. But now it’s like… OMG, this is what it must feel like to be “normal.”

In addition to the latest round of primaries, California’s Supreme Court hears argument over same-sex marriage today. It’s a bit hard to predict which way they’re likely to rule.

BTW, the foes of same-sex marriage are raising the procreation argument — so I guess by the logic hetero couples who can’t have kids shouldn’t be allowed to marry either…

Personally, I’d like to see the state merely grant civil unions for everyone and leave marriage to the churches.

In the discussion over at Bilerico, about what I and others found to be an offensive ad, someone argued that I and others who were upset were vilifying sex workers.

To clarify… I don’t think sex work is something to be ashamed of, nor should be ashamed of trans hookers. (Although I do have problems with people feeling they have to turn to prostitution because they’ve got no alternatives, as well as the human trafficking that’s frequently tied to prostitution.)

But the premise of the joke was that Jen (the mom) was utterly blase about something that we the audience are supposed to find freakish and probably shocking. You could’ve substituted a talking dog and the premise would be the same. Even in my rewriting of the ad (in my prior post), the joke remains premised on Jerry (the lawyer/hooker), being a “freak,” but at least my version tries to show something unexpected about someone who’s perceived that way. Similar to a “Sex in the City” episode I once saw where one of the characters was upset about boisterous trans hookers outside her apartment, but through some plot twist that I don’t remember ends up getting to know and discovers that they’re human too.

Now the objector did raise a fair point, that the ad could be viewed as “hey there’s nothing wrong with being a crossdressing lawyer/hooker.” And if there were a lot of other kinds of portrayals of trans people in the media I might agree with you. Or the scene had been played straight and not for laughs. But let’s be honest, the vast majority of Americans (even New Yorkers) do see prostitution as disreputable, and the ad clearly seems to be making her a hooker for the additional shock value.

But the other part of what makes the ad problematic is that it’s trafficking in stereotypes, i.e. someone’s trans, well obviously they must be a hooker. It’s similar to the historical complaints about blacks and Latino only getting roles that depict them as crack dealers and gang members, gays only getting roles that depict them as stereotypical caricatures, etc.

A friend of mine, who’s the wife of a crossdresser, recently commented that she thought it’s a fantasy of many trans people to change gender, knowing they never would. From what I’ve seen in a variety of online forums I think there’s an element of truth to that.

I think the flip-side of the “joke” that the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual is a couple of years is the notion that transsexuals are just who can’t handle ambiguity. I don’t mean that literally, but riding the kiddie roller-coaster¹ for eternity can be exhausting and so I think a number of crossdressers dream about being “normal.” And since they know their trans-ness isn’t going away, transitioning and going stealth is the only way they can dream of doing so.

Combine that the with the fact that the vast majority of crossdressers don’t get a chance to be en femme as much as they want to — so unlike me, they’ve never gotten the chance to find out what their satiation point is (i.e. when they’ve been en femme enough that the urge gets satisfied for some period of time). So they’re never quite sure if they’re not transsexual.

¹ “Riding the kiddie coaster” was a phrase coined by a good friend of mine, back when she thought she was a crossdresser. The ups-and-downs of being a crossdresser may not be as dramatic compared to the potential sturm und drang of transitioning, but it’s one we have to ride endlessly for the rest of our lives. Unlike transsexuals who take a ride on the full-size roller-coaster, but who have the possibility of getting off at the end of the ride.

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While this ad for the 2006 festival (which recently resurfaced on YouTube) was undoubtedly meant to be edgy and funny, it’s belittling and reinforces stereotypes that all trans people are prostitutes. The key is that we’re not laughing with the crossdressing lawyer/hooker, we’re meant to be laughing at her.

And yeah, it hurts more when it comes from folks who undoubtedly would be horrified at equivalent humor aimed at minorities. Do you think they would’ve done an ad showing a black lawyer who moonlights as a crack dealer? Or a female attorney who moonlights as a hooker? I thought not.

The truly sad thing is that the ad’s joke about jaded New Yorkers could have just as easily been accomplished with a positive portrayal (and just a few minor changes in the script). For example, the crossdressing lawyer could have been out for a walk with her wife, who she introduces to the the mother with her kids, who’s just as blase about it all.

OK, maybe I’m being humorless, but having two trans people (Cameron McWilliams and Simmie Williams) and a gender-variant kid (Lawrence King) who might (or might not) have later come out as trans gunned down in apparent hate crimes within less than a month kind of leave me not in the mood for this sort of “humor.”

I’ve been reading a book of essays about the supposed decline and fall of gay culture, and there was an interesting discussion about how retailers like International Male “de-gayed” their catalogs as they attempted to broaden their market to adventurous hetro men.For example, the language used to describe their thong underwear was no longer about being sexy — something women’s retailers like Victoria’s Secret never have been shy about — instead the new language played up how sensuous the clothing was supposed to be for the wearer. The author argues (rightly) that these retailers were trying to remove the specter of admiring male gazes. But (being a gay man) I think he missed that there’s still an overall societal discomfort with “pretty men.” As someone who perused International Male because I wanted to be able to wear sexy underwear too (back when I was actually young enough and in shape enough to look decent in it) — I sadly knew that it wasn’t likely I’d find a woman who’d appreciate it.As I said at the last outreach panel I did, I grew up in an era where male beauty wasn’t discussed let alone valued. (Which is good in some ways, because I didn’t end up with the body issues that most women have.) But it does hurt to have something you care about not being valued — a bit like women who want to be valued for their intellect and find people only care about their beauty. Sabara Star put it nicely, folks like me feel we were starved of something many women feel they were force-fed an overdose of. So it’s not surprising that MTF trans people and feminists are often on totally different wave-lengths when it comes to the issue of “looking pretty.”Admittedly, the issue of appreciation of male beauty is changing these days, but still there’s the whole “look handsome, but don’t look too pretty” dynamic that men face. (At least those who care about their appearance.)